It's almost the end of 2011.

Haven't done this in quite a while....

We're reaching the end of 2011! Thank goodness. This year has been nothing but vigorous for me. (emotional wise). I've learned quite a lot about myself, though. One thing is that I'm prone to get attached to people easily, and that's never good in the end. And another thing is, I'm very temperamental, emotional and a bomb waiting to explode. I have these little episodes where I can't seem to handle something so I start breathing heavily and crying. It frightens me a bit. My sister caught me once and I went chaotic on her. (I could have gotten nominated for an Oscar with that performance).  Also, I've been very closed with people who want to get to know me better. I've been asked on dates, asked to hang out and just to plain socialize, but I can't seem to do it because it's not with people I know. I'm not good at making friends, and it's been very difficult. I'll only go somewhere if it's with old high school/middle school friends. Like with my "best friend" who isn't such a best friend anymore. I need to stop hurting so much over that. I just miss my old friend so much, but she's met new people who are probably much more fun than mopey, old me. I haven't changed at all this year. I'm still this quiet girl....which is something I will always loathe.

I have high hopes and wishes for 2012. I hope it brings new friendships, love, success, and best of all--- MORE CONCERTS. :)

Since no one is currently following me...

I guess I can express myself a little better rather than having followers and holding my thoughts back.  My life has been completely beautiful, don't get me wrong, since I'm about to bash it....

Everyone is busy living their lives and I just feel like I'm wasting mine away. I have nothing to my name, other than my curious, keen thoughts....nothing. I'm a sad excuse for a 19 going on 20 year old girl.  I always hold myself back and put myself down every single day.  I try to compare myself to others and because I do that, it's making me more self-consious than ever.  I've gone through dark, depressing times and there have been times when I've just been completely happy. But it seems like I'm just used to seeing those dark days.  It feels like I can never be happy...something is always there bringing me down. And that something is my mind and my thoughts. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to live my life and meet new people and do exciting things, but it seems like that can never happen. I bet this sounds so "emo" but I really can't help it. It's true what they say, "you can hide so many things just by putting on a smile." That's me every single day.

I need to stay strong. I just hate how I'm a good person and nothing good ever happens to me. I wish things would change for the better.


Yours,
Jessica Anid.
X

Guess who's back....

I've created a new blog since I forgot my password to my other blog...(tisk, tisk.) 

 A lot has changed since then and I wanted to start off new.  It's been over a year since I last blogged and I can't remember why I stopped doing so in the first place. Since I'm back, I shall share with you what I've been up to.  School, school, school and SCHOOL. My life has turned into something I never wanted it to turn into when I was in high school.  I've become imprisoned and stuck inside while my friends are living life without me. 

 So many things have just changed for the worse; and of course for the better. 

For instance, I've stopped talking to that one person who killed my inner spirits and made me drown in so much sorrow, that I thought I lost myself for months.  I'm glad to finally have that worthless, prideful human being out of my life.  That was one good thing. 

The bad part is I've been losing touch with my closest friend.  Since she's always busy and sometimes even partying, we never quite see each other anymore.  If I want to see her I'd have to wait days in order for her to tell me exactly when we can hang out....and sometimes those plans end up not happening. 

What I'm trying to say is, this growing up business is not helping me what so ever, in fact it's making me feel deserted.  I want nothing more than to be happy.

If someone told me they created a time machine and wanted me to be the first one to try it out, I'd say YES! Take me back to 2004, maybe I can change everything for the better.

Yours Truly, 

Jessica Anid

Xo